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"I Like Grease"
posted May 27, 2008 @4:38p
I woke up this morning before 6am. Yes, it was an accident. There are not many things more lousy than getting out of bed before you absolutely have to. But after moving past the annoyance of waking up before needed, I thought, "I can treat that stain on my jeans. Nice. Maybe this will work out for the best."

So I take my jeans and stain stick into the kitchen, apply the stick to my jeans, then pour myself a bowl of cereal.

As I scarf down the delicious cinnamon wonderfulness, I recall the words that the server delivered to me last evening: "man, you're gonna have a heart attack."

You see, the stain on my jeans was from the popcorn I had ordered when I went to the movies last Saturday. I had asked for so much extra butter that it had soaked through the bag onto my leg. "Why didn't you have napkins," you ask? I did. Nearly a half-inch thick stack of them. But there was so much salty grease that it soaked through the bag and my napkin fortress, all the way to my jeans, leaving a mark the size of an oatmeal cream pie.

"So the server saw the butter stain," you ask?

No. I attended a wedding yesterday, and they had one of those guys there that cuts up beef and/or ham and serves the meat to each guest. After waiting in line for a bit, I was extremely hungry; so I was happy to finally be arriving at the meat.

He questioned me. "Roast beef or ham, sir?"

I looked at the meat, then at him.

"I'll tell you what - why don't you cut the fatty part of that beef off and give that to me... Just give me whatever you were going to throw away."

I know I eat poorly. In fact, for a late lunch this afternoon, I ate the leftovers from that buttery bag of popcorn. But I guess ordering up a hunk of fat may be pushing the limits.

I take plenty of chances with my health, but not enough with my life. I need to order up a big slice of life fat and see what happens.


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