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"Spam Was My Favorite"
posted November 15, 2005 @10:49a
Mmm... Spam... That's right, I'm talking about the delicious, delectable, mouth-watering, meat-like meat treat (not to be confused with Treat Meat, Spam's long-time arch nemesis). Why, you ask, do I bring up such a delightful subject? Well, I'll tell you: because I was in Hawaii. What, you ask, does that have to do with anything? Well, I'll tell you: Spam is EVERYWHERE in Hawaii. You can walk right into McDonald's on a Saturday morning and order Spam and eggs for breakfast off the menu. No joke. Apparently it's some sort of delicacy there. I guess most Hawaiins don't realize it can be easily purchased at many retail outlets for.... like a dollar. Some places even PAY you to take it off their hands, from what I understand.

The whole Spam thing had to be my favorite part about the islands; my second favorite? Well that was the jungle monkey, or whatever that thing was that I heard in the bushes.

I went down to the beach one morning at about 5am (yeah, I never adjusted to the time change). It was about a 100-yard walk from my room to the beach, and just before the beach was a path through a miniature Hawaiian jungle.

As I was passing through the jungle part, I heard something making noises in the brush. It sounded huge, and was stomping around and moving plants and trees and stuff. At one point I think I heard a metal-tinking sound, like he was building something in there... Anyway, I ended up hiding behind a tree for like 45 minutes.

The crazy part is what I saw a little later, just before sunrise. I had made a mad dash through the jungle, and was quietly hiding down by the shoreline. I heard the noise starting to get closer, so I got ready. I was poised, crouched like a cat with his ears pinned back. Ready to attack.

That's when I saw... it. The thing. I'm telling you, it was still dark, but I think I saw something that looked like a legless donkey slither out, take a look at me, and then slither backwards back into the jungle. I hate to bring up donkeys again (not really), but that's exactly what it looked like. A legless donkey that may or may not have been building something out of metal in the Hawaiin jungle.

Legless Hawaiin Jungle Donkeys freak me out.

By the way, I don't like Spam. It's the nastiest thing ever canned up and sold. Well... besides Treat Meat, that is.


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