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"We Can Be Heroes"
posted April 3, 2006 @10:30p

A hero, that's what I am. And if you could have seen me, you would be calling me the same thing.

...If I ever use names on this site, I always make sure to change them, unless the people involved explicitly tell me I can use their names...

So I was at dinner with my friend Tommy Lee, and his friend Pamela Lee.

We were almost finished eating when the power flickered. Then it went off. A HUGE storm was rolling in, and our waitress immediately came over to let us know there had been tornado warnings.

I love storms, so I was pretty excited.

But then I remember... I had left Willow (my dog) outside. As this thought crossed my mind, a bolt of lightning came down and struck a pole in the parking lot that sent sparks flying.

I knew what I had to do. I had to save her. I had to save my dog.

"Tommy, you know I'm gonna have to go home and get Willow outta this storm."

...Now I've been friends with Tommy for a long time, and he knows sometimes I have special needs. He knows that I'm pretty private, and that I wouldn't want this girl he's just met, Pamela, to know where I live... We had all gotten in his huge truck to go to the restaurant, and my car was back at his place. So, knowing that I'd rather not have Pamela Lee at my place, he offers to take me back to his apartment so that I can race home to save my dog.

But there's no time for that. A storm's a-brewin.

So I ask if I can just let them finish the meal while I get home to take care of Willow.

He passes me the keys.

I've got my plan: run to the truck, speed home, unlock the door, run to the back, bring my wet dog in, dry her off and give her some love, then get back to the restaurant.

And I'm off.

I run through the parking lot, doing my best to dodge bolts of lightning. It's just starting to rain, so it looks like I still have time.

I speed out of the restaurant in this mammoth truck, trying to just keep it in the wet road. By the time I get on the freeway, it's POURING rain. It's pouring rain, and just to the east, it looks like there's a funnel cloud starting to form.

I don't need Willow in a funnel cloud right now.

So I speed even faster, dodging tiny little VWs and Mazdas. As I speed, I start to gain on the storm. After a couple more minutes, I actually get ahead of the storm. By the time I get home, I managed to have gained a handful of minutes to get this thing done.

But the lighting's crazy, and the wind is just as messed up.

I pull up to my place, all prepared to save. I have my plan, and, in the words of David Bowie, I'm ready to get things done. That's when I realize I don't have my key. My key is in my car, back at Tommy's apartment.

What do I do?

Okay, Willow's in the back, so I guess I'll just run back there and cover her with my body to shelter her from the twister.

But the gate's locked. It's a six-foot privacy fence, and the gate's locked.

Now what do I do?

My first reaction is just to run as fast as I can and see if I could jump over the fence. This method proved unsuccessful.

Very unsuccessful.

Not only that, I hurt my big toe.

So then I thought, "I'll use my brute strength to rip the gate right off its hinges." Again, this method was unsuccessful.

Very unsuccessful.

So then I decided to take a breath and use my brain... I pulled my garbage can around back, got on top, then scaled the fence. Willow saw me coming over, and, being the most excellent and vicious guard dog she is, ran for her life.

Once I finally convinced my dog it was me and that I was there to save her, I grabbed Willow and we jumped in the truck. We sat there a moment in the lightning, apparently with some time to spare before the rain arrived, and gathered our thoughts.

We then went back and picked up Tommy and Pamela. The ride back to his place was a debacle. Three people and a 60-pound dog in the cab of a truck during a storm is not a good combination.

Finally, we get back to his apartment. Pamela Lee is sent on her way, I put Willow in my car, and head back to my place.

When I get back home, I noticed something strange.


So I saved my dog from having to hang out in the grass, being very, very safe and dry.

I am a hero.

I heard "Under Pressure" by David Bowie & Queen twice on the way home tonight, within like 6 minutes. I rarely hear that one on the radio, so it was strange to hear twice.

I'm not a huge fan of Queen, but lots of their stuff is pretty nostalgic. So even though I have to be in the mood, I do enjoy a little Queen from time to time. But until tonight, I never noticed how often Queen used the snap in their songs. Like I said, I like some Queen sometimes, but... recording yourself snapping in a song is absurd and a bit silly.

Under pressure.


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