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"This Apple Juice Tastes Funny"
posted December 16, 2006 @12:06a
 
I have but one thing I know for certain: good candy is delightful.

I try to keep the green-glass candy dish beside the couch in the living room full at all times; my favorite filling: Hot Tamales. For the past few weeks, though, my dish has been empty. But bags of Hot Tamales are hard to find, and I don't wanna spend $10 on 15 of those tiny little boxes to fill the dish.

Since they've been so difficult to locate, I've been considering using a different candy. This week, I finally broke down and tried one. The candy I chose is called Good & Plenty, but the name doesn't do it justice. From now on, that candy shall be called Only Plenty. They may be shaped like a Hot Tamale, but they taste like somebody tried to make an M&M out of a black Twizzler. Nasty.

Chicken babies.

So I went shopping again tonight for Hot Tamales, and my search led me to Target. Unfortunately, they had no bags of Tamales. But that wasn't the most interesting part of the trip. I saw a truck on fire in the parking lot, with balls of liquid flame dripping to the ground beneath it. Still, that wasn't the most interesting part, either.

As I stood by the candy at the checkout, I heard a group of teenage girls in the next isle, looking at the coffee creamers in the Coke cooler. Coffeemate has some released seasonal flavors, and one of them happens to be eggnog.

"Eggnog - I wonder what that tastes like," says the first girl, who was blonde, in a bubbly sort of way.

"Eww - gross," answered the dark-haired one, using a very valley-girl tone. She paused. Then she said, "Did you know eggs are chicken babies?"

Chicken babies.

...I've had lots O congestion, coughing and sinus infection during the past weeks. I haven't been able to record or perform at all. But during that time, I've continued to make myself get up in the mornings and head to the office, as I mentioned before. I've been keeping busy there with a project (I won't bore you its details), but one thing has continually broken my attention.

Antonio's suite is fairly large, and there are many offices. It's shaped like a square. When you enter the suite, you are faced with a big wall. There is a hallway on either side of the wall that leads to the back hall of the suite, where the square is completed. Each hallway has doors on its perimeter that lead to offices, and in the middle of the square is a large filing and copying area.

The hallway that leads to my office is the one on the right, and nobody from Antonio's company works on that side. That hall is lined with shelving, and the shelves go all the way to the ceiling. They're made of that grayish, thin, metal, like the outside of a filing cabinet. Every shelf is completely empty, except for one thing. And that one thing is what's been breaking my attention.

Beside the door to my office, on the shelf just above eye-level, there is a clear, plastic cup. It's filled almost to the top with a liquid substance, and that substance is the color of apple juice.

It's not apple juice.

And the only reason I know that, is that I finally got curious and decided to smell it. I gagged pretty furiously.

Once the gagging stopped, the laughing began. Yes - I'm pretty sure that somebody in that suite of offices has peed in a cup and placed it on the shelf outside my door.

Now I'm not that great with office politics, but I'm pretty sure that a pee cup is not a sign that I'm a welcome member of the group.



 
 


comments
Are you the person who plays violin as well? We've been told to see you when you're in Charlotte, NC soon? I can't find. Thanks for any info.

posted by Camille on 11/30/2006 @10:38:33 AM
  (#223)

(reply)
No, I'm sorry. Unfortunately when I attempt the violin, it makes listeners' ears bleed...

posted by Jason Wells on 12/16/2006 @7:52:37 AM
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