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"Fat Ricky"
posted October 27, 2005 @9:47p
Everybody wants to plan a good scary trip this time of year, and I'm no exception. There is no shortage of choices these days either; there are haunted caves, haunted forests, haunted houses... Well this year I decided to go with the haunted "corn maze." Don't get me wrong - I had a good time. But the haunted corn MAZE turned out to be about as equally frightening as a haunted corn DOG.

However, I can't say the same for the after-trip trip... the journey to the haunted "weird farm place" was deeply traumatizing. But just telling the story wouldn't do the adventure justice. Not even barely. So what I will do is list a few of the things I saw, followed by quotes I heard, and just leave it at that. The rest will be left up to your imagination. But prepare yourself, some of these sights and sounds are pretty disturbing...

Things witnessed: a pack of red-eyed, angry, galloping horses; a brown, furry, mystery animal in chains (possibly a sloth?); a hissing raccoon in a 10-foot cage; a red, twisted, gnarled-up, metal object; and a dog named JOSHUA.

And now for the quotes:

"MAN! If I only had my RAISINS, these raccoons would be REALLY excited."

"Yeah my aunt and uncle had tiny, under-sized chickens, and they HATED white shoes."

"Oh no, you have to have a PERMIT to have a 'coon" (that's weird-farm-place speak for raccoon)

"You know Dixie Stampede? He used to work there." (spoken in reference to a HORSE)

"Oh look, it's David Spade." (spoken in reference to a HORSE)

"I almost brought up my stuffed coyote from downstairs. Almost. That would have been good. But he's home alone." (probably the second most disturbing quote of the night)

"I love you, Fat Ricky."

And now for the most haunted quote of the evening:
"Oh that's just his INFECTED nipple."


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