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"Sleeping Is Easy"
posted January 6, 2008 @11:43p
It's after 1am, and I'm not asleep yet. I would really enjoy being asleep right now, but it's not really working out.

Under normal circumstances, I have no problem falling asleep. In fact, falling asleep can almost be a problem for me in itself, as I usually go under if I remain still for longer than about three minutes. But if I happen to have an early morning obligation, I lose all ability to go to sleep. Try as I may, my attempt at sleeping on the night before such an obligation only yields the longest, dumbest one-sided conversation imaginable.

I have a meeting at 7:15am tomorrow morning, and the following is an excerpt from the monologue occurring in my head during the last thirty minutes, lying in a hotel bed, attempting to sleep:

Concentrate. Concentrate on concentrating. Nothing. Concentrate on nothing. Put this pillow on your head and concentrate on nothing.

Stop saying the word "concentrate." Okay, good. Wait... don't say any words in your head.

... I'm your private dancer, dancer for money, da da da da da... shhhh.... No more words. Why is that song in my head? Tina Turner has huge hair.

Okay, just relax. I thought I decided not to talk in my head? Relax. Why am I aware of my arms right now? I spend all day not being aware of my arms, but now they're all I can think about. Sleeping is supposed to be easy.

Stupid arms. I really should work out more.

Chris Farley was funny.

I'm your private dancer, dancer for money... No more songs. Just quiet. Look at the dark that closing your eyes makes...

Looking for some hot stuff, baby this evening...

Okay, arms above head. Ouch. Why aren't my arms comfortable? I wish I had a Mello Yello.

...I bet that's why I'm awake, I just drank a Mello Yello...

I wish I had a Mello Yello.

Why is this hotel showing other people's rooms on channel 3? Is somebody watching me in my room right now? I wish I was watching me right now. That would put me to sleep.

Looking for some hot stuff, baby this evening. Looking for some hot stuff baby, tonight.

Why can't something really smart be happening in my brain right now? If I'm not sleeping because my brain is busy, I should be using it to think up something good.

I'll never be able to make homemade bread.

This pillow smells like an old man. My face hurts.


I never thought Id finish laughing.

posted by Heather on 1/7/2008 @1:17:31 PM

Thanks. I actually got kinda cracked up at myself...

posted by Jason Wells on 1/7/2008 @5:06:22 PM
private dancer......hahahahahahahaha!!!!! the sad part is that now i'm singing it. also, they must have put mello yello in our mommas' IVs at the hospital because me and your are the only 2 people i know who drink it.

posted by Pamela on 1/23/2008 @1:56:54 PM

Well... I keep hearing they're gonna stop making Mello Yello. It's been months though, and I ain't seen it disappearin...

posted by Jason Wells on 1/25/2008 @1:14:45 PM
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